I can't help but wonder if all that has happened in my life has been worth it. I'm still very curious about the "what ifs" in my life. What if I had gotten married? What if I had kids? Whoa! That's a drastic change! What if I was still involved with the Sailor? Or, the Girlfriend? I think there are too many "what ifs" to worry about.
I have no regrets. Well, maybe just a couple.
What do I regret? Becoming a person whose main interest revolves around sex. Living in my tiny bubble. Not spending enough time with those I love. My relationship with my mother.
I send my mother a gift three times a year. Her birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas. I never write to her. I never call her. Truth is, she is the type of person who thrives on drama. Drama I can do without. I had enough of it growing up. I'm very much like my father in this regard. He let the drama roll off his back. Easier said than done. Every little thing my mother does crawls under my skin.
That being said, I miss my Dad. I wish he was here for me to talk to.
My mind is blank today. As it has been the last couple of days. I've been toying with some musings but I am not sure anyone would understand at this point. Heck, I don't even understand where my head is sometimes.
I've got a trip coming up after my next assignment. It would be nice to go to Kodiak right about now. It's hotter than Hades here. Crazy, huh? I hate snow and cold and I'm hoping for an assignment in Alaska. I must be nuts. Last time I had to go there, I was there for 3 days before begging a coworker to trade. Well, it didn't take much begging. I had to pay for his airfare but he got to see his family.
It's early but I think it's time for a glass of wine and a bath.
~Chelsea~
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