Marriage

I have random thoughts on life, living, sex, men, food, work, and everything in between. I've never really told anyone what goes on in my head. If you are hear reading this, then you are reading about the men in my life.

What a crazy ride my life has been! There are details about the people in my life that I cannot share publickly. I wish to have some sense of self-preservation.

Today, for instance. To this very day, I still cannot figure out what my deal is with Chief. He is incredibly attractive, good in bed, generous, loving, caring, and treats me better than almost any other man I have ever been with. I should have married him. That's what my female friends say.

Why won't I marry him? Well, as soon as I figure that out, I'm sure he will be told. It's only fair that he be the first to know, right? I think the majority of it is my fickleness. Is that a word? Must be since I didn't get those red squiggly lines under it whenever I misspell a word.

Marriage. I don't think it's for everyone. I love weddings. I was Hannah's maid of honour. Her husband is great. Her kids are amazing. I just don't think I look good in white. The formality of a wedding is just overwhelming. Hannah became Bridezilla before her wedding. It took lots of tequila and some Prozac to get her to settle down and stop fighting with everyone. Weddings are definitely stressful. I'm just grateful I only had to show up for the dress fittings and the actual ceremony. I can proudly boast that I had no part of the planning! I paid for the bachelorette party though. The other girls planned it. Her mom hired a wedding planner and for that, I was utterly grateful!

Most of my friends who got married in their early 20's are either now divorced or a few years into their second marriage. Or third marriage. Nancy's on her fourth husband. But I don't think it really counts since her second was killed in Iraq. At this point, marriage is all about statistics to me. You might pay $10,000 for your wedding but your divorce is going to cost twice as much. Just saying, that's all.

I've heard that marriage changes people. I like me the way I am. I like you the way you are. I like everyone as they should be. Who am I to change the world?

I've never entertained the whole "marriage and kids" dream. Do I want a husband? I don't know. What kind of a man wants a globe-trotting wife? How inconvenient would it be to tell the hubby, "hey, pack up the kids. We're leaving tomorrow at 4am sharp!" I don't think he'd like that very much.

Then, we have the money issue. I make more money than most men have ever seen in the white-collar world. I had a boyfriend once who didn't think it was right that I made more money than he did. We did practically the same job. Except he didn't work for the DoD. He worked in the civilian world. Can I let you in on a secret? I didn't really want to work in government. The hours are lousy, the benefits are mediocre, raises are few and far between, and the food is always questionable. The pay is great though and I thank you all for your tax dollars. I DO pay taxes on my wages! Don't get the wrong idea.

So back to marriage. If you're married and happily so, GREAT!!! I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. Just don't push us single folks into coupledom. It makes for a bitter relationship of regrets.

Maybe one day I'll wear white. Maybe one day I'll find the right guy. Maybe, just maybe, one day, I'll be lucky enough to fall in love.

~Chelsea~