Makeup, Cosmetics, Face Paint...

... Whatever you want to call it. It's the crap my mother insisted I wear whenever I left the house.

I couldn't walk out the door without looking like a painted China doll or Jon-Benet Ramsey. Whichever you prefer, neither breathe. My apologies for being so crass about the deceased.

I don't understand the obsession with cosmetics. It's a multi-billion dollar industry that I wouldn't miss if it ceased to exist. Makeup teaches young girls (and some guys) that they are not attractive without at least 10 different products on their face.

Lotion. I get lotion. Skin gets dry and it needs external moisture because we can't seem to keep the inside hydrated. I use lotion. I also use crap to keep Louis Vuitton from parking below my eyes.

Foundation. This stuff smooths out and evens the tone of your skin colour. Liquids just cake and never go on quite right. Use a powder instead.

Eye shadow. Why would you want to shadow your eyes? My eyes are huge and dark brown. Hmmm... The mirror is making them golden brown right now. Might be the fluorescent lighting. Maybe not. I do know that when I am extremely pissed off, my eyes turn pitch black. Yesterday at work, some random guy told me my eyes looked brownish-blue. I did have on makeup. Maybe it was the colour of my eyeshadow - green. In this category, we also have eyeliner and mascara. I do "line" my eyes on occasion and I've always got mascara on. I prefer brown mascara to black. I also have to use waterproof because I wear contacts and sometimes my eyes water either from the outside elements or the bright work lights.

Blush. I do this naturally. I'm pale so when I get flustered, embarrassed, or hit on, I blush. I can turn red from head to toe. To put some form of blush on my cheeks is typically useless. Not to mention, any colour of blush simply makes my face red all over. Bad idea for me.

Lipstick. I bought a new shade that a friend said would look good on me. We were out shopping, dining, and hanging out over the weekend. I put some on while staring in the rear view mirror of her car. We were in the Hooters parking lot and I didn't want to go in there to meet her boyfriend and his buddies while looking like Caspar the Friendly Ghost. The colour looked good in the dusky sunset. When I got home later and looked in the bathroom mirror, my lips appeared to have met some sort of death slightly warmed over stage. My lips were very pale and the outer edge were tinged with purple. Almost like they were in a stage of oxygen deprivation. It was one of those Covergirl 2-part lip stains. I think I'll stick with my lip gloss. I like lip liner too. On rare occasions, I will use a lip liner and colour my lips that way. Then I'll smear some coloured lip gloss on top for shine and moisture. My lips thrive on moisture. Simply. Cannot. Be. Without. Flavoured. Lip. Gloss.

I don't understand why women think they are so sinfully ugly without makeup. Don't they know that true beauty is on the inside? People who are beautiful on the inside radiate gorgeousness on the outside. In my opinion, that's the only way to view beauty.

I don't know why but I've been wearing makeup lately. Maybe it's because I've been feeling ugly and I use to make myself feel gorgeous. Maybe it's because I've been single and celibate for a couple of months. Hmmm... I'm perfectly okay with being single and celibate. I like the colours of makeup I bought this weekend. I'm rather impressed with myself that I bought makeup at all.

I have a friend who has an entire process for putting on makeup. She puts it on every day even if she doesn't leave the house. It takes her about 2 hours to be complete with her process. She once dumped the entire contents of her makeup bag on my living room floor. Are you ready for this?

1. Under eye cream.
2. Deep wrinkle cream (she's only 24, btw).
3. Moisturizer (has to wait for it to soak in and skin is dry).
4. Moisturize again with an SPF (again, has to wait until skin is dry to start next process).
5. Concealer.
6. Liquid foundation.
7. Powder foundation.
8. Eyeshadow - all over eye, used as a base.
9. Eyeshadow - actual eyelid.
10. Eyeshadow - crease of eye and under eye.
11. Eyeliner
12. Blush - liquid, stain for cheeks.
13. Blush - powder.
14. Lip primer.
15. Liquid foundation (has to wait for the primer to dry then for this to dry).
16. Lip liner (if this doesn't get applied right the first time, the two above steps have to be repeated.)
17. Lip stick.
18. Lip sealer (to make sure the lipstick doesn't leave the face, ever!)
19. Translucent powder - all over the face.
20. Curl eyelashes.
21. Mascara.
22. Lip gloss.

Now, it's okay for her to do whatever she needs to. Her hair can be complete bedhead but if her "face" isn't on, she doesn't go anywhere. Her excuse? You never know who you will run into.

I laughed at her once. I told it's not going to make one bit of difference in an impression if your face is painted and your hair is a mess. Now, let's add another 2 hours to her getting ready. She has to make sure her hair matches her face nowadays. I created a monster. The good thing is that she is never late for an appointment.

Wandering Wonderings

I can't help but wonder if all that has happened in my life has been worth it. I'm still very curious about the "what ifs" in my life. What if I had gotten married? What if I had kids? Whoa! That's a drastic change! What if I was still involved with the Sailor? Or, the Girlfriend? I think there are too many "what ifs" to worry about.

I have no regrets. Well, maybe just a couple.

What do I regret? Becoming a person whose main interest revolves around sex. Living in my tiny bubble. Not spending enough time with those I love. My relationship with my mother.

I send my mother a gift three times a year. Her birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas. I never write to her. I never call her. Truth is, she is the type of person who thrives on drama. Drama I can do without. I had enough of it growing up. I'm very much like my father in this regard. He let the drama roll off his back. Easier said than done. Every little thing my mother does crawls under my skin.

That being said, I miss my Dad. I wish he was here for me to talk to.

My mind is blank today. As it has been the last couple of days. I've been toying with some musings but I am not sure anyone would understand at this point. Heck, I don't even understand where my head is sometimes.

I've got a trip coming up after my next assignment. It would be nice to go to Kodiak right about now. It's hotter than Hades here. Crazy, huh? I hate snow and cold and I'm hoping for an assignment in Alaska. I must be nuts. Last time I had to go there, I was there for 3 days before begging a coworker to trade. Well, it didn't take much begging. I had to pay for his airfare but he got to see his family.

It's early but I think it's time for a glass of wine and a bath.

~Chelsea~

Weekend - Home

I have the weekend off. I am home for the time being. It's strange to be here, in an house nearly devoid of furniture. I bought a few groceries to tide me over until I get called for my next assignment.

I have considered giving up my house. Sell all my stuff and just live out of a suitcase and a hotel. It would be more expensive but at least I would have room service and a maid. It probably wouldn't be a wise idea. Oh, I have the money to do it. That's not a problem.

I just think it's a bit nice to have some place to call "home".

I like cooking. I love the smell of fresh, clean laundry. I love having a place for friends to stay, even when I'm not in town. I lease it to families who vacation from time to time. Or provide my friends with cheap rent. I have another friend who oversees the property for me when I'm out of town. He occasionally will spend the night there and work. He's a writer.

One stipulation to renting my house is that if I end up having to come back, the people have to deal with me being there. I stay in the guest house in the back. None of my tenants have ever noticed me coming and going.

I don't bring men to the house. Only Chief knows where I live. He helped me pick out the place and move the furniture. I don't invite men back to my place whatsoever. I don't care if he claims to live with his mommy and daddy or has 12 roommates and has to sleep on the couch. It keeps my life from being drama free and my vacation tenants from having to call the cops.

I enjoy my solitude. It helps to me unwind from my otherwise crazy life. Generally when I'm home, I'll call some of the girls to get together for dinner or play poker. Yes, I have "Girls Poker Night" at my place. It's always impromptu but there is usually about 5 or 6 of us willing to place bets.

Sometimes, I will entertain myself at the movies. I'll take in a couple of double features and I watch everything from comedy to action to horror. Horror. Now there is something I think twice about. My friends Marianna and Kym both said I would never step foot inside a theatre to watch a horror flick. They put up a Ben Franklin on it. I went to two. Rob Zombie's H2 and New Nightmare on Elm Street. Both were boring as far as horror flicks go. I walked out $100 happier.

So this weekend, while I'm home, I'm contemplating a few things. I have a trip coming up with Hannah's girls, my favourite "nieces" and, the fact about whether or not I want to see my family for the holidays this year. I haven't seen them in what? 10 years? I know my mother will ask why I'm not married and giving her grandbabies yet and my aunts will say that I've gotten too skinny. The drama and stress those ladies caused is enough to make anyone starve themselves.

Cripes. I need to get out of here before I go stir crazy.

~Chelsea~

Marriage

I have random thoughts on life, living, sex, men, food, work, and everything in between. I've never really told anyone what goes on in my head. If you are hear reading this, then you are reading about the men in my life.

What a crazy ride my life has been! There are details about the people in my life that I cannot share publickly. I wish to have some sense of self-preservation.

Today, for instance. To this very day, I still cannot figure out what my deal is with Chief. He is incredibly attractive, good in bed, generous, loving, caring, and treats me better than almost any other man I have ever been with. I should have married him. That's what my female friends say.

Why won't I marry him? Well, as soon as I figure that out, I'm sure he will be told. It's only fair that he be the first to know, right? I think the majority of it is my fickleness. Is that a word? Must be since I didn't get those red squiggly lines under it whenever I misspell a word.

Marriage. I don't think it's for everyone. I love weddings. I was Hannah's maid of honour. Her husband is great. Her kids are amazing. I just don't think I look good in white. The formality of a wedding is just overwhelming. Hannah became Bridezilla before her wedding. It took lots of tequila and some Prozac to get her to settle down and stop fighting with everyone. Weddings are definitely stressful. I'm just grateful I only had to show up for the dress fittings and the actual ceremony. I can proudly boast that I had no part of the planning! I paid for the bachelorette party though. The other girls planned it. Her mom hired a wedding planner and for that, I was utterly grateful!

Most of my friends who got married in their early 20's are either now divorced or a few years into their second marriage. Or third marriage. Nancy's on her fourth husband. But I don't think it really counts since her second was killed in Iraq. At this point, marriage is all about statistics to me. You might pay $10,000 for your wedding but your divorce is going to cost twice as much. Just saying, that's all.

I've heard that marriage changes people. I like me the way I am. I like you the way you are. I like everyone as they should be. Who am I to change the world?

I've never entertained the whole "marriage and kids" dream. Do I want a husband? I don't know. What kind of a man wants a globe-trotting wife? How inconvenient would it be to tell the hubby, "hey, pack up the kids. We're leaving tomorrow at 4am sharp!" I don't think he'd like that very much.

Then, we have the money issue. I make more money than most men have ever seen in the white-collar world. I had a boyfriend once who didn't think it was right that I made more money than he did. We did practically the same job. Except he didn't work for the DoD. He worked in the civilian world. Can I let you in on a secret? I didn't really want to work in government. The hours are lousy, the benefits are mediocre, raises are few and far between, and the food is always questionable. The pay is great though and I thank you all for your tax dollars. I DO pay taxes on my wages! Don't get the wrong idea.

So back to marriage. If you're married and happily so, GREAT!!! I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. Just don't push us single folks into coupledom. It makes for a bitter relationship of regrets.

Maybe one day I'll wear white. Maybe one day I'll find the right guy. Maybe, just maybe, one day, I'll be lucky enough to fall in love.

~Chelsea~