Makeup, Cosmetics, Face Paint...

... Whatever you want to call it. It's the crap my mother insisted I wear whenever I left the house.

I couldn't walk out the door without looking like a painted China doll or Jon-Benet Ramsey. Whichever you prefer, neither breathe. My apologies for being so crass about the deceased.

I don't understand the obsession with cosmetics. It's a multi-billion dollar industry that I wouldn't miss if it ceased to exist. Makeup teaches young girls (and some guys) that they are not attractive without at least 10 different products on their face.

Lotion. I get lotion. Skin gets dry and it needs external moisture because we can't seem to keep the inside hydrated. I use lotion. I also use crap to keep Louis Vuitton from parking below my eyes.

Foundation. This stuff smooths out and evens the tone of your skin colour. Liquids just cake and never go on quite right. Use a powder instead.

Eye shadow. Why would you want to shadow your eyes? My eyes are huge and dark brown. Hmmm... The mirror is making them golden brown right now. Might be the fluorescent lighting. Maybe not. I do know that when I am extremely pissed off, my eyes turn pitch black. Yesterday at work, some random guy told me my eyes looked brownish-blue. I did have on makeup. Maybe it was the colour of my eyeshadow - green. In this category, we also have eyeliner and mascara. I do "line" my eyes on occasion and I've always got mascara on. I prefer brown mascara to black. I also have to use waterproof because I wear contacts and sometimes my eyes water either from the outside elements or the bright work lights.

Blush. I do this naturally. I'm pale so when I get flustered, embarrassed, or hit on, I blush. I can turn red from head to toe. To put some form of blush on my cheeks is typically useless. Not to mention, any colour of blush simply makes my face red all over. Bad idea for me.

Lipstick. I bought a new shade that a friend said would look good on me. We were out shopping, dining, and hanging out over the weekend. I put some on while staring in the rear view mirror of her car. We were in the Hooters parking lot and I didn't want to go in there to meet her boyfriend and his buddies while looking like Caspar the Friendly Ghost. The colour looked good in the dusky sunset. When I got home later and looked in the bathroom mirror, my lips appeared to have met some sort of death slightly warmed over stage. My lips were very pale and the outer edge were tinged with purple. Almost like they were in a stage of oxygen deprivation. It was one of those Covergirl 2-part lip stains. I think I'll stick with my lip gloss. I like lip liner too. On rare occasions, I will use a lip liner and colour my lips that way. Then I'll smear some coloured lip gloss on top for shine and moisture. My lips thrive on moisture. Simply. Cannot. Be. Without. Flavoured. Lip. Gloss.

I don't understand why women think they are so sinfully ugly without makeup. Don't they know that true beauty is on the inside? People who are beautiful on the inside radiate gorgeousness on the outside. In my opinion, that's the only way to view beauty.

I don't know why but I've been wearing makeup lately. Maybe it's because I've been feeling ugly and I use to make myself feel gorgeous. Maybe it's because I've been single and celibate for a couple of months. Hmmm... I'm perfectly okay with being single and celibate. I like the colours of makeup I bought this weekend. I'm rather impressed with myself that I bought makeup at all.

I have a friend who has an entire process for putting on makeup. She puts it on every day even if she doesn't leave the house. It takes her about 2 hours to be complete with her process. She once dumped the entire contents of her makeup bag on my living room floor. Are you ready for this?

1. Under eye cream.
2. Deep wrinkle cream (she's only 24, btw).
3. Moisturizer (has to wait for it to soak in and skin is dry).
4. Moisturize again with an SPF (again, has to wait until skin is dry to start next process).
5. Concealer.
6. Liquid foundation.
7. Powder foundation.
8. Eyeshadow - all over eye, used as a base.
9. Eyeshadow - actual eyelid.
10. Eyeshadow - crease of eye and under eye.
11. Eyeliner
12. Blush - liquid, stain for cheeks.
13. Blush - powder.
14. Lip primer.
15. Liquid foundation (has to wait for the primer to dry then for this to dry).
16. Lip liner (if this doesn't get applied right the first time, the two above steps have to be repeated.)
17. Lip stick.
18. Lip sealer (to make sure the lipstick doesn't leave the face, ever!)
19. Translucent powder - all over the face.
20. Curl eyelashes.
21. Mascara.
22. Lip gloss.

Now, it's okay for her to do whatever she needs to. Her hair can be complete bedhead but if her "face" isn't on, she doesn't go anywhere. Her excuse? You never know who you will run into.

I laughed at her once. I told it's not going to make one bit of difference in an impression if your face is painted and your hair is a mess. Now, let's add another 2 hours to her getting ready. She has to make sure her hair matches her face nowadays. I created a monster. The good thing is that she is never late for an appointment.